I’m Sorry…..Really….

I’ve thought about it dozens of times…really I have. I know I said I was going to take a week or two off and it’s been nearly 2 months, but honestly guys….there just isn’t enough in me right now to keep this thing up and running with witty banter! I’ll try to get back to writing some, but life needs to settle down enough for me to breath right before I can get back to posting nearly every day.

So here is what I have been up to for the last 2 months…..My daughter, my baby turned 5. I knew it would happen and I’m excited to see her growing into such an independent person, but honestly, who doesn’t mourn a little to see the last remnant of babyhood go? She will be starting Kindergarten in the fall and my heart breaks a little bit to even think about it. She has gotten cheated out of so much that my son got to experience….preschool, staying home with mommy until 2nd grade….She has been in daycare full time before even starting school….and she just never gets the same kind of attention that he got. I know life isn’t always fair, but I hate that it isn’t fair in this way!

I got a new job! It was a whirlwind that happened so quickly. I sent in a resume, they called me the next day for an interview and 2 weeks later I had done a major presentation for them in a second interview and was giving my notice at the job I have been in since November. I’m not the kind of person to hop around and I HATED starting my 3rd job in less than a year….but it was too good to pass up. A lot more money, more responsibility, it’s in the field I’ve gotten my degree in….it’s a good opportunity. BUT, even good opportunities can be full of anxiety and stress and this has been no exception. I started almost 2 weeks ago and I’m really enjoying it….but I feel a bit maxed out emotionally. There is just too much going on in my life right now that need attention.

Primarily? Because of the new job we were able to move out of my parents place into a place of our own - which happened RIGHT as I was starting the new job. So, double whammy I guess. We are thrilled to have our own space again and we knew that it was the right thing to do if there was ANY WAY to make it work. We just needed to get on our own feet again. I didn’t want to take advantage of my parents gracious hospitiality any more and every one of us was feeling the stress of all being crammed into one house. The kids are thrilled with their new space and having their own rooms again and I am thrilled to have my stuff back. It’s wonderful and scary and I keep asking God….what are you doing?

I’ll tell you this….I still don’t doubt for a moment that we are doing what we are called to do. Even though this last year has been painful and difficult, I still feel God’s hand leading us - even though it’s been in the dark much of the time. I feel like in many ways this is a new beginning for us, but at the same time, its almost as hard as before.

We still feel all the huge stress of so much transition at once….it’s been over a year of near constant change and transition and it wears on you after awhile. The kids are trying to adjust to a summer spent at a babysitter full-time, I’m adjusting to a new place with the work that goes along with it as well as a new job, Brian is trying to do everything he can to help around the house, move and unpack, work full-time and look for a new job that pays better…. And, while the excitement of a new beginning is amazing, it has been dampened quite a bit and overshadowed by some stuff happening in our lives that have put both of us in a difficult and precarious spot emotionally.

I’m probably being more honest than I should but my defenses are down. Everyone is asleep, I’m worn out, I feel a bit beat-up emotionally and I would rather be real right now than fake. Life is still amazing…a gift, and I’m awestruck by the goodness of my God in the midst of pain and stress and conflict and all the other raw human emotions going on in my life lately. We are healthy, we have everything we need and I’m choosing to believe that at some point all of this last year or so will make sense. I do know this….we didn’t make a mistake moving. Life was stagnant and we didn’t feel a future ahead of us before. I feel a future now. I feel like we are growing and stretching and changing….it’s painful sometimes, but it’s better than staying the same! So, even when the conflict comes, even when it’s stressful, even when we are misunderstood…..no matter what happens we are moving ahead. It’s another new beginning and I’m embracing that!

So…..what have you been up to lately?

Taking a break…..

Life has been so busy lately that I have not had any time to devote to blogging. Something has to give and this is quite simply the bottom of the priority list! So….I’m taking at least a week of to have a break and scratch this off of my list of “things to do” for a bit.

I’ll see you in a week or so!

My son got a job…

Today was “Take your child to work day” and the company I work for actually truly embraced it. Our office planned an amazing agenda for the parents and kids who chose to participate. The kids each got an acceptance letter with an employment application to fill out and instructions for where to report for their first day of “work”. When they came in they were taken to a conference room where they had a continental breakfast set up and they met with the head of the HR department. She collected their applications and took them on a tour - introducing them to key people from each department. Then they played some games with kids in the home office in Kansas City on the “Smartboard”. They had presentations from several different engineers and then had time to sit with the parents and learn about their jobs. Then they wrapped up with lunch and their “paychecks” which were giftcards to Target. In the afternoon my son hung out with me and helped me work….and played a bit while I worked. We went to the cafe next door and had a fruit smoothie and a doughnut to top out the afternoon!

I planned each aspect of the day with another woman in my office and we ran the entire program. My son was SO EXCITED about this day. This morning, on the way in to work he must have thanked me 3 times (and not just because I got him hot-chocolate from Starbucks) and throughout the day he kept saying thanks. He even said that this was one of the best days of his life. I think this may be the first time since he was tiny that he and I have spent an entire day alone together. He helped me do my job and we spent tons of time just talking…..it was fantastic!

On the way home he was asleep within minutes and he has been pretty wiped out all evening. In some ways, this was a giant leap for him into the “real world” of jobs and responsibilities…it was designed to be a test run for him - a little taste of adulthood. For me…..it was a huge reminder of how quickly he is growing. How little time I have left where I will be a hero just for spending time with him and buying him some hot-chocolate. It’s a reminder of how precious opportunities like these are……how I need to grab them every chance I get, and that the little boy who was excited to use my badge to unlock a door today will quickly become a man with a life of his own.

I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet…..and I hope he isn’t either!

This is awesome!

I ran accross This post today at one of the blogs I enjoy - Letters from Kamp Krusty. This post my friends….is awesome!  Here is a little sneak peak….

New Kamp Krusty Feature: “If Jesus Had a Blog”

We FINALLY got an internet cafe in Galilee.  The ESSENES have DSL, and we’re just getting dial-up.  That should tell you something!

Anyway, I was hanging out with some religious leaders.  They got on my case for not keeping their Favorite Rules (apparently, you HAVE to wash up before dinner, in accordance with scripture.) 

 

 

Go here to read the rest. I don’t agree with everything this guys writes….but I do agree with alot and I almost always enjoy reading his stuff! So…. check it out!

Let’s shake things up a bit…shall we?

 

 

My dog…..still has issues!

Do you remember this post?  I posted a few weeks ago about how my dog has some significant issues with my husband and I kissing and hugging…and anything more than that.  The other night I decided to do a little experiment and see how he would do. I waited until he was totally knocked out on his bed (which is in our bedroom). We had been laying in bed watching tv and talking…not quiet and not trying to be quiet, but he happily slept through it all. After awhile I turned off one of the lights and said in a quiet voice….”I’m going to give Daddy kisses now!” and scooted over to Brian’s side of the bed. I started making kissing noises and waited to see what he would do. At first, he did nothing, so I kept it up for a moment and sure enough he stood up, shook himself off and walked out of the room…….and you guys? I swear he shot me a dirty look as he walked out! For some odd reason, I think it really irritates him! It’s almost too funny not to tease him about!

So there you go….my random thought for the night. My dog has issues….still. I’m just sayin!

Matt Maher….

Earlier this week I received a pre-release copy of a new CD by an artist named Matt Maher - the CD is titled “Empty and Broken”. He is the artist who wrote the song ” Your Grace Is Enough” that was made popular by Chris Tomlin. I’m not positive if he has released any previous albums or not, but I’ve given this CD a listen and I have a few thoughts…

Matt has a fresh sound and a fresh perspective. I’ve listened to the songs a few times now and I’ve enjoyed them a bit more each time I hear them….I’m finding new stuff to like with each listen.

My two favorite tracks are “Your Grace Is Enough” and “Empty and Broken” - I really love the string arrangements on “Empty and Broken” and is has a haunting memorable sound….very searching and vulnerable. I’ve always loved “Your Grace Is Enough” since I first heard it and this is a fresh and new recording of it.

If you enjoy worship music (as I truly do) then do yourself a favor and give this CD a listen. I think we will be hearing more from Matt Maher!

You can check out Matt’s music by going to his website here. Enjoy!

I love the weekend!

Isn’t it funny how, both young and old, everyone almost universally looks forward to the weekend? My eight year old told me that everything is more fun at school on Friday! Funny thing is, everything at work is more fun on Friday too? I think the weekend is God’s way of rewarding us for “sticking it out” through the 5 long days that are Monday - Friday!

So, my big plans for the weekend? Spending time with my kids and husband! We rented a movie Friday night for some relaxation time and watched it in bed. Tonight we are doing “Family Fun Night” with the kids. We are having Tacos and Nachos for dinner (one of their favorites) and then watching Alvin and The Chipmunks with a big bowl of popcorn. We will probably also try to play a game….just family stuff that will scratch the itch for togetherness and keep us content until next weekend. In between, all the usual maintenance stuff….Laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning. All the stuff you don’t have energy for through the week.

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

Beauty and The Beast….

Tonight we were given 4 tickets to see a local production of Beauty and The Beast by some precious friends who were unable to use them. Both Brian and I were really tired and knew that Noah would not be overly jazzed about going, but my mom had talked a week or so ago about wanting to see the production, so…..of went Nana and PapPap with Abbie and my sister’s daughter Ellie.

It was really precious…both of the girls got all dressed up in fancy dresses and were so excited about their Date with Nana and Pap. The show didn’t start until 7 and they finally got home after 10:30! From what they had to say…..it was fantastic! Apparently this local high school rented all these costumes and sets from a professional production and they were amazing. My mom said she just couldn’t believe how high the quality of everything was - the singing, the acting, the costumes…it was all great!

So, I’m sad that our friend’s daughter was sick and could not use the tickets, but it sure made the night for two grandparents and their granddaughters! I’m sure my little one is dreaming of Belle and beautiful ball gowns and princes tonight.

I’m a bad Facebook friend….

I know that EVERYONE (okay, maybe not everyone) uses Facebook. It’s hip, it’s current, and it’s a great way to connect with people from your past. I still believe all those things, but I’m terrible about doing anything at all with it. Forget about MySpace….I haven’t logged onto my account in at least 6 to 8 weeks!

Y’all? Seriously, there just isn’t enough time in the day for everything! (By the way, I can say y’all now cuz I live in North Carolina) By the time I get home from work, spend some time with my kids, help with homework and dinner/cleanup, pick out kids clothes for the next day, get my clothes ready and do anything with my blog or watch any tv…spend time with the husband….go to small group etc, there just isn’t time left for anything else!

So…..if you are unfortunate to be one of my Facebook or Myspace “friends” please don’t take it personally when I don’t come out to play more often. I’m just treading water here and that is something I can’t fit on my plate! You know I love you anyway right?

And, apparently, I’m far less cool than I would like to think!

About us…

It’s been so long since I have written an actual “update” about our family for those who read this that know us and wonder how our lives are going. I figure it’s time.

Sometimes it’s tough to write about our life when I feel that the news isn’t “good” - I don’t want to sound as if I am complaining. Things are much the same. Sill working the same job…it’s okay but not challenging or fulfilling. I’m spending most of my time ordering office supplies and delivering mail/packages and some assorted filing/data entry. None of the tasks I do on a daily basis truly use my skills or my education, and I’m paid okay but certainly not well. It’s a job and I’m thankful for it, but I want to be doing so much more!

Brian is in the same boat - has a job, but isn’t using any of his gifts or skills and isn’t making enough $ to really provide for us. If my parents were not graciously allowing us to continue living with them we would be sunk. Basically, we make enough money to pay the bills, babysitting, gas and food. There isn’t anything left to pay for housing or utilities. So, unless something about our situation changes, we can’t move forward.

The frustrating part is that our entire purpose for moving here - to work towards planting a church, can’t move forward either until we are making enough money to live on. That concern has to be met before we can do anything else. So, we continue to try to look toward God and believe that he knows the end of the story….he has a plan, even when we don’t understand.

The kids are doing well and continue to love their friends and spending time with their cousins. Abbie will turn 5 next week and starts Kindergarten in the fall - I can’t believe that is possible! She spends large amounts of her time practicing her writing and drawing and sings nonstop. Her current favorite show is American Idol!

Noah just finished reading the entire Harry Potter series in less than 2 months - He loved every moment! Now he is starting on the movies and is reading the Eragon series. Reading is a big passion of his, along with Playstation…..not much of an outdoor kid! He is doing fantastic in school and has become so mature - he is an awesome helper around the house.

We continue to love being at the Raleigh Vineyard and have formed some fantastic relationships there. We are getting some true mentoring and friendship from the leadership there which has been such a blessing to us during this time. We have needed that for a long time and God has really blessed us during this season with Godly counsel, leadership and relationship.

The weather in North Carolina has been FANTASTIC and is such a change from the weather in Indiana. We marvel all the time at how beautiful and mild the Winter and Spring have been! The sun shines almost all the time!

I can’t think of much more to say for now. For those of you who know and love us I would ask for your specific prayers that God would provide a way to fill the income gap and allow us to have a home of our own again - it’s been nearly a year and we truly long for a real “home” to settle into. I don’t know how God will choose to meet that need, but I know he can!

Blessings on you all - our family and friends…we truly miss you and are thankful for each one who has played a part in our story so far. You are a treasure to us!

Drop us a note and let us know how things are in your world!