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What must the pizza guy think?

April 3, 2009


I’m about to give you a public service announcement about how NOT to order food for delivery.

Thursday was something of a stressful day for us. I was busy at work, the hubby was busy at work, the weather was terrible (chilly, windy and rainy) and we didn’t have a plan for dinner. When I got home at 6pm it just didn’t seem like cooking dinner was worth it so we decided to order some pizza.  Ya’ll?….We NEVER order pizza for delivery. If we have pizza it’s either frozen or ones we make ourselves, but I had a BOGO (Buy one get one free) coupon so it was Papa Johns for us last night. And incidentally, I now know WHY we never order pizza. Even with my coupon it was $24!

When I ordered the pizza they told us it would be 35-45 minutes until the delivery person came so I knew we had a bit of time. I’m in the midst of moving all of my office and work items home to work temporarily (until we get some new office space in about a month) so my work stuff was spread out all over the floor. I was wearing jammies and busy sorting through the mess.

20 minutes later there was a knock on the door…crap. My dog ran for the door howling at the top of his lungs. He isn’t vicious, but you’d never know it by hearing him through the other side of the door!  I’m standing in the middle of a big pile of about 10 feet in away from the front door in my jammies (and not wearing a bra) and didn’t have the money ready. Like any rational female caught not wearing a bra I ran for the bedroom yelling to the hubby to please answer the door (while the dog was still snarling at the man on the other side) and he’s yelling back that he’s got no pants on…awesome. In case you are wondering, he was changing his clothes and doesn’t typically walk around at home with no pants on -just thought I should clarify that! recap,

  • Pizza man at the door
  • Vicious sounding dog snarling through the door at him
  • I’m not decent to answer
  • Husband isn’t decent to answer
  • Now I’m feeling a teensy bit of stress

As the husband is frantically throwing on a pair of pants we were….venting a bit.

Me: “I can’t answer the door…I don’t have a bra on.” Hubby: “Well guess what…I’m not wearing pants!” He then goes running for the door still wearing his burgundy shirt from work, now complimented by a pair of bright red pj pants.

During this exchange my kids went rushing for the door because, did I mention that we NEVER order pizza? They were a little excited. My son was trying to hold back snarling dog so hubby asked him to go put him in the bedroom. Boy wonder runs the dog down the hall, shuts him in his room and then runs BACK down the hall to the front door and slams  it in the man’s face.

I need you to fully picture the scene here: Pizza man is standing in the doorway while my daughter throws herself on the floor in a mock faint from the sheer joy of pizza delivery. Husband is trying to gather the money wearing red pants and a burgandy shirt. I’m standing in the bedroom trying not to be seen and there is a huge pile of books and papers about 10 feet in front of the door. Now, my son has just slammed the door in his face. SUPER.

I’m standing in the bedroom saying “DUDE! You just slammed the door in his face!” At this point, I noticed that boy wonder was wearing PJ pants and no shirt (I promise we DO wear clothes at home – it was a fluke I tell you) so I finished up by saying “Go put a shirt on NOW!

Hubby finished gathering the money, paid the pizza man and closed the door. Drama over right? Here is where it gets funny. (Oh wait, you probably already thought it WAS funny.) I looked over to the window in my bedroom (which is located right next to the front door) and noticed that it was open. The curtains were closed, but the window was open. Not only did the pizza guy get to observe that little drama…he got to hear ALL OF IT.  Fantastic!

As we sat down to eat our expensive pizza I commented to the hubby that the poor pizza guy probably thought we were either crazy people or total rednecks:  Running around without clothes yelling at each other and spinning around on the floor in the middle of a big huge mess.  The kids thought that was hilarious!  I was even less amused when I spotted the industrial size 36 pack of toilet paper sitting in front of the door that we purchased for the food pantry and put in front of the door so we would remember to take it…keeps getting better folks.

Hubby looks at the pizza box where the order taker had written “Please get coupon from customer” and noticed that the delivery guy never asked for the coupon. My guess is he was running for the hills!

In short….my advice to you is this. If you order food to be delivered and you don’t want your delivery person to think you are scary and crazy, wait until everyone is changed and ready before ordering, and maybe lock the dog up first.

I promise you, we are just normal people who wear clothes at home and wanted some pizza.

The end.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Robyn permalink
    April 3, 2009 9:02 am

    We have had very similar scenes at our house on occaison – only my daughter has actually run to the door to greet the pizza man naked (probably age 2 but still) and there is always chaos and drama. I think that the pizza delivery guys should all get together and write a book – I’ll bet it would be a best seller! Hope your pizza was worth it!

  2. April 3, 2009 10:30 am

    I bet that WOULD be a best seller. Maybe we could get a kickback from suggesting it to the right publisher!

    The pizza was good…but not that good.

    We should have picked up Chinese food. There is never any drama when we pick up Chinese.

  3. April 3, 2009 12:04 pm

    It’s true! That’s all how it happened! Pizza WAS good though…

  4. April 30, 2009 3:27 pm

    A while back, I delivered pizza for almost two years. You would be amazed at what I encountered. And yes, I have considered writing a book.

    I delivered pizza to a classroom one time. The kids were so excited they spent five minutes dancing around me in a circle! Delivered pizza does crazy stuff to kids. And I’m sure my kids would have reacted in a similar manner to yours.

    The thing I found most surprising was what people were willing to offer in order to get a free pizza. Crazy stuff!


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