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My Witness? Or, How To Feel Better About My Apathy?

May 21, 2009

apathy

I’ve been thinking about this post from Shaun Groves all week. I’ve left a link to it in my inbox, I’ve prayed about it, I’ve laid awake at night thinking about it. The challenge was simple….Think about the needs around you, Think big about how YOU could meet those needs – what is your “witness” going to be? Then put it into words and link back to the original post so Shaun could link out to all the ideas and posts people made.

In the end, I stopped short of actually putting “a plan” or even a dream together to participate. Why? Simply put…..because I don’t have one yet, and because it scares me. 

Is that a “Cop-out”? Probably. Is it a lack of faith on my part? You betcha.

Here’s the thing…I’m not afraid to admit that I’m scared or unsure of the future in this area because I think that my  fear is a healthy, God-given fear. I don’t want to tread lightly over what The Father is calling me to in the area of service…my witness if you will. As much as I want to jump into the conversation and feel good about my plans or what I’m doing now, I feel like the risk for me is too great. I’m afraid what I have to say right now would be nice words that may or may not translate into action.  The Bible is pretty clear in more than one place regarding God’s opinion about our words that are not backed up with action isn’t it?

So I can’t give you “a plan” for action right now.Here is what I can give with confidence:

I’m working on this with my Papa. I’m taking it seriously. I’ve been thinking about it for the past year, and I’m still walking through this process right now. I’m working on the fears, I’m working on the faith it will take to walk out the plan He is helping me put together. I’m trying to eliminate the debt that has handcuffed our family in so many ways and kept us from doing more. I’m seeking counsel from others, I’m reading and researching.

And when I DO come up with a “plan”? I want it to be something I can really do for the rest of my life. I want it to be a true lifestyle change. I don’t want to come up with a service project so I can feel better about what I’m not doing with my life to serve….I don’t want to feel better RIGHT NOW about my lifetime of apathy – and I’ll just be honest here, I’ve spent many years loving people with “words and tongue” but not so much with “actions and truth”. I want to feel confident that I’m stepping forward into the calling of God to:

  • “Defend the cause of the poor and needy” Jer. 22:16

  • “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.” Prov. 31:8

  • “Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” Matt. 5:42

  • “be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.” 1 Tim. 6:18

I could list scripture after scripture that lays out a clear image of what we are called to in the area of service.  I’m not saying that I can’t do these things NOW and that I have to wait…it’s not an excuse for a lack of service on my part. What I am saying is that I want to take this seriously and truly learn what it means to live my life this way. There isn’t anything wrong with service projects or finding small ways to help…but for me, it’s much bigger than that. This is a life change, a family change and a shift in focus that may take a bit more time.

I applaud all the people who have taken the time to seek The Lord on their witness and their service….and I’d love your prayers as my family and I continue this journey!

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